April 5, 2016

I first came to college expecting adventure,
although I'll admit that I was quite fearful.
I never left home, so the transition was painless,
but despite my obvious dedication and focus,
my family, more than classes, caused me stress—
the feeling of suffocation under an avalanche of snow.

Now I look out the window at the melting snow,
and I recall when I embarked on this adventure.
I've never endured for so long the incredible stress
that has been my constant companion, nor the fear—
fear of failing, in life more than class, fear of losing focus
on my endgame. If I did, I would be murdered by the pain

of seeing how far I've come but gone nowhere, the pain
of freezing to death—cruel hypothermia—lost in the snow.
It's a brutal way to die, really: the mind loses focus,
the body numbed and blue from the reality of the adventure
it so foolishly dreamed of. But at least gone is the fear
of becoming lost in the storm, and with it the stress

of knowing you could have done better. I can't stress
enough how easily another person can cause you pain
under the flimsy guise of love; my only true fear
is that I will be that thorn for someone when my snow-
white hair is the only legacy left of my life's adventure
and by burdening them with my misery I lose focus

of what is truly important in life. So now I focus
on appreciating the small, beautiful moments—stress
an echo of a once-remembered age, a forgotten adventure
of which the books are blank and the bards do not painfully
sing. And when I do find beauty—even in the snow—
I am comforted. At least for a time, I need not fear

becoming my family. I can live without that fearsome
shadow looming over my head and I can finally focus
on my own life—who I want to be. The mighty snowfall
is over, and I am no longer weighed down under its stress.
For as long as I continue to see beauty, I will feel no pain,
and I will once again eagerly anticipate the great adventure.

. . . . . . . . . . . . .

Overwhelmed by my adventure and harboring much fear,
I advance painfully in my quest to gain focus
and somehow avoid the stress of the forbidding snow.